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Friday, November 04, 2005

The High Roller's Tips for Enjoying a Basketball Game

You can tell by the energy buzzing around campus that the basketball season is only weeks away, but if you are not prepared, you might get lost in the confusion. Therefore, I have decided to provide some tips on how to get the full BU basketball experience, and not miss out on any of the fun.

  • Get to games early, before warm-ups. This is the best time to target the player you are going to heckle the entire game. The opposing team's cheerleaders are fair game, especially if they look like a 35 year old dead beat dad, but since we are not playing Northeastern this year, that one doesn't really apply.

  • It helps to start heckling your chosen player during warm-ups, when there are very few people in the stands. That way, the two of you can begin a type of relationship to build off throughout the game.

  • Red is the only appropriate color to wear to a BU basketball game, unless you are wearing a blood stained t-shirt. That is inappropriate.

  • If you decide to show school spirit by wearing a BU hockey jersey, you are going to look like a moron.

  • Keep an eye out for fans who look bored the whole game, only to jump up and show excitement when the guy with the cowbell starts the BC SUCKS chant. These are the fake fans, who only go to one game in order to get early beanpot tickets. Distance yourself from them if possible.

  • It is no longer clever to bring a giant cardboard "D" and a giant cardboard white picket fence to games.

  • While playing Vermont, it helps to remind their fans that their only entertainment is now going to suck because of the departure of a giant dirtball.

  • It also helps to point out that the 'Rath didn't get drafted, and that their old "coach" was more of an alcoholic cheerleader than a coach.

  • Be nice to Rhett. He is a human being too, you know.
  • No one should bother trying the half court shot, because it has been done, and it will not happen again.

  • Do not buy one of those little souvenier penants on a stick. What the hell are you going to do with a small penant on a stick?

  • Always cheer for the cheerleaders and the dance team. Note: your friends may find it funny if you cheer sarcastically for them, but everyone else thinks you are an asshole.

  • It is ok to cheer sarcastically for the other team's cheerleaders, should they happen to fall. Make sure she is not seriously hurt before you start hurting her feelings.

  • To get the full BU basketball experience, go to every home game, as many away games as possible, and bring all your friends with you.

    10 Days.


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