Tips on Surviving Tournament Weekend

Since the tournament is being held in Boston this year, Tall-boy and I have it easy. We get beds this year, we get to shower. We don't have to hang out in downtown Binghamton. Man, am I glad it's in Boston this year.

But while we've got a place to stay this year, I'm at the same time hoping there are more people out there just like us who, this year, have to survive a bitter cold weekend in Boston/Allston. I admire your courage, because it won't be easy. Hey, at least it's not Binghamton. Here are a few tips for those who are planning to enjoy the tournament the old fashioned way. That is to say, entering the weekend with no plan.

• First and foremost, you're not allowed into the city unless you already have beer in your car. Alcohol should have been the first thing you packed for road trip.
• There is only one thing that will get you through four straight games of mediocre basketball. Sparks, Sparks, and more Sparks. Get a sixer from Marty's (Comm Ave. and Harvard Ave.) or Blanchards (Brighton Ave. and Harvard Ave.) and you'll be set for the day.
• The T might seem like a quick and easy way to get around B.U.'s campus, but
• please don't encourage them, lest they raise the fucking fare again.
• Boston is an amazing city to be in and there's so much to see. Too bad you'll be in a quiet, half-empty arena from about 11:30 AM to about 11:00 PM.
• Make sure to bring either a bottle of Axe body spray or a bottle of Febreeze. If you're doing the tournament the old fashioned way, you won't have a place to shower for the weekend. Either one of these will help hide the fact that you're technically homeless for a couple days.
  
• Here's a fair warning for Binghamton fans: If you're rooting for "B.U.", we're going to assume you mean the Terriers, even though we know you don't.
• It's March, so you know it's going to be very cold. If you can't handle sleeping in your car, the best places to pick up a girl who will take you home with her are The Kells, White Horse, and Wonderbar, for those of you who like underage girls.
• Bars and food places close early in Boston. And while you'll probably be starving for food at 2:30 AM, stay away from Rednecks BBQ.
• And don't forget to say hi to this crazy neighborhood whack job. This is the notorious Mr. Butch. He owns Allston while not actually owning any possessions at the same time. He'll make fun of you for being Polish, then he'll asked you for money so he can get a 40. At least that's what he did to me.

Good luck, brave souls. If you can survive a weekend in Allston with nothing but your wits, then you can survive anywhere.